Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
