He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
