is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
