I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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