Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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