this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
worst night to have a conscience
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Holy shit dude........stairs
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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