Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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