we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
