it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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