I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
