Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
