at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
