That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
