Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
