I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
