That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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