she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
