Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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