I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
