so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
My liver just had a heart attack.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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