She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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