did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
