Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
