i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
