this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
