After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize