Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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