you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
