I smell stomach acid.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
