i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
