3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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