that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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