i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
