i need an iv and a liver transplant
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
