I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
