We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
