Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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