I'm laying in your front yard are you home
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I am midnight drunk by noon
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
