there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
