I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
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