You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
