the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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