You're my little dorito
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
