please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
