Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
