one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
