this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
