You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
