i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
