So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
