Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(334): View more from Alabama

I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out

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(906): View more from Michigan

Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here

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(415): View more from California

And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!

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(303): View more from Colorado

She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.

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(408): View more from California

I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.

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(512): View more from Texas

I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted

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(450): View more from Quebec

I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement

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(949): View more from California

So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!

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(949): View more from California

you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"

(949): View more from California

and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.

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