He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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