I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I currently don't understand fingers.
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