You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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