it hurts more in the daytime
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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