these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
