is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
