Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
