i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
