every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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