gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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