I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
