Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
