My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
someone owes me an orgasm
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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