I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
