oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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