did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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