so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
