his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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