I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
