totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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