my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
