There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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