I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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